Chicano Poet

Tuesday, January 06, 2009

Stone Temple Pilot

As the building collapsed
the two-year-old child

did not feel the wall
lying on top of him,

he did not hear
his own little bones breaking,

he did not see the dust settle
around him,

he did not feel his own blood
soaking him,

he did not hear
the frantic screams of his mother,

he did not see
the desperate hands of his father digging,

he did not hear
the Israeli pilot’s proud voice

as he told the command center,
target destroyed, returning to base.

5 Comments:

At 1:43 AM, Anonymous Matt Dioguardi said...

Sigh ...

Keep up the good work.

 
At 9:04 AM, Blogger Jim Murdoch said...

This is effective enough but no sooner had I started it than I saw where it was headed. If I was to suggest a minor change replace 'Israeli' with 'enemy' - that broadens its appeal and makes it feel less like propaganda.

I think the ending could be stronger though. You cycle through 'feel'...'hear'...'see' twice and then a final 'hear'. What about sticking in a 'would not know' before you kick the reader's feet from under him.

I think this one is worth a second look.

 
At 2:39 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said...

I like the explicitness of this poem. After all, Chicano poetry was gestated in a movement whose basic premise was a call for Tierra y Libertad. Isn't this what the Palestinians have been doing since the Balfour Declaration. A hate filled document that spread foul propaganda to legitimize the theft of Palestinian land.

To tell the truth is not propaganda. What the Nazis did is propaganda. What the Zionist are doing today is propaganda.

Take care and continue your journey in Chicano poetry. It would never occur to me to hijack this journey with some lofty propaganda of self and try to take rein of how you write. I would never attempt to colonize your poetry with my opinions.

Hasta Siempre,

Esmeralda Bernal

 
At 3:42 PM, Blogger Jim Murdoch said...

@Esmeralda - perhaps not the best choice of word. A friend I have in Bosnia did a post to which I responded with a poem which never mentioned anything which would help one identify what had inspired me. My reasoning was that what was happening there has happened elsewhere and will happen elsewhere, by making it an 'everyman' poem it could be read by anyone who has been personally affected by a war. Otherwise someone could say, "Oh, that was just Bosnia - it's nor relevant now."

The details in this poem could be set in the London bombings and it could be a German pilot. Why limit it?

 
At 12:25 AM, Blogger RC said...

Thank you Matt for your kind words.

Jim,I appreciate your comments and critiques,and value your opinions expressed here and on your blog.Again,thanks.

Esmeralda,thanks for your kind words.We have traveled this difficult road separately,yet always together,hermana.Hopefully one day we can meet face to face.Gracias.

 

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