Chicano Poet

Tuesday, September 12, 2017

Sir Mex A Lot

Oh, my God Becky, look at his butt
it is So Big, it looks 
like a black girl's butt
I mean his butt is just so big
I can't believe it's so round and flabby
I mean it's gross
look he's just so goddamn brown
Sobaco never heard them talkin
Sobaco just kept on walkin
his buttcrack all sweaty
listening to Black Betty
going to the tienda
he was a big spenda
girl if you think his butt is big
you oughta see his belly
peanut butter and jelly
Oh, my God Becky, look at his butt
it is So Big, it looks
like a black girl's butt

Sunday, September 03, 2017

Elegy Seen In A Broken Convex Mirror

The poet John Ashbery
after writing nondescript
characterless bland
black and white poems
akin to the scripts
for the Jerry Seinfelf sitcom
has died an exciting
and wonderful death
right before our very eyes
thank you John
for making my day
which had been so boring
until I heard the news
of your spectacular death
rest in poetry old guy
and again thank you
for brightening my day
before I go back to
writing terrible
and forgettable verse

Tuesday, August 22, 2017

Total Eclipse Of The Sun

The eclipse failed to cover up
Sobaco's big fat ass
he made fun
of the moon and sun
the total eclipse of his buns
had failed to materialize
maybe if Uranus
came between earth and sun
Sobaco laughed
and pulled up
his size 52 pants
the sunburn on his cheeks
lasted for weeks
photos of his partially eclipsed ass
turned up on Facebook
Google maps paused over the Westside
Sobaco flat on his belly
in his weed-infested backyard
could be clearly seen from space
his big naked ass
reflecting sunlight like glass

Friday, August 18, 2017

Asleep Inside An Old Guitar

Andres Sobaco el Numbnuts was too fat
to sleep inside an old guitar
even a grand piano would be a tight fit
the guitar crushed and splintered
the piano strings hit his fat face
a cut above the left eye
a musical bruise on his belly
the keys that open nothing
in this black and white world
no room for the color brown

in the morning the piano
lies on the floor flat as paper
the only music is Sobaco's snore
a Mozart fart Beethoven cloven
godforsaken music in arears

Friday, June 16, 2017

Unfather's Day Poem

Sobaco's father died of a brain tumor
on the operating table
the doctor thought himself
a superhero
cutting the brain away from the brain
was old hat to him
but not to Sobaco's father
whose mind
devoid of brain
was off somewhere
thinking those thoughts
only he could think

when they give Sobaco
the bad news
he slinks away
with his tail between his legs
like a scolded puppy
eyes downcast
and sad enough to crinkle

Tuesday, April 18, 2017

Purse Snatcher

Sobaco once tried to make a living
as a petty thief
hung around Westside grocery store parking lots
snatched purses from old ladies
but with his fat ass he ran a few steps
and collapsed to the ground
out of breath and sweating
like the San Antonio River

sometimes the old ladies giggled at him
sometimes they threw him a dollar or two
but they never called the cops
bystanders just scratched their heads
and went about their business

sometimes a life of crime
can't even get you time

Thursday, April 13, 2017

La Panocha De JLo

Andres Sobaco alias el Numbnuts
hates the way people talk
about JLo's nalgas
as if her culo is more important
than her panocha
the way her lips rub against each other
the way they part for love

nalgas only drag you down
says Sobaco to no one in particular
as he raves about JLo's pussy
as if it was a work of art
God's greatest creation ever
he mumbles to himself

and God just shakes his head in disbelief