Hogan’s Heroes

I see men, women and children being gassed
by the bumbling, friendly Sgt. Schultz.

I am in a motel
watching porno with Col. Hogan.

I am there when LeBeau’s career
turns into a soap opera.

I wish I could tell you
I was there when Kinchloe’s stardust disappeared,

or when Newkirk left Stalag 17
to host a quiz show and die.

I am Col. Klink
and you get thirty days in the kuhler.