The Maytag Repair Man Out Of His League

I took a crap.
It was Samuel Taylor Coleridge.

I took a Moorish bite
out of Alexander Pope.

I took a plane
to repair Sylvia’s oven.

I bought a rainbow-coloured chair
from Ashbery’s estate.

I enjoyed watching the Towers fall.
It was an epic Ogden Nash smash.

I’m just as cute as the Mona Lisa,
if you get my drift.

I wish I could fart
as well as Fred Astaire dances.

I threw a rock at Edith Sitwell.
It didn’t sit well.

I took Chicago’s big shoulders
and put them on Texas. Big Mistake.

If you cut a Jew in half in Palestine,
the other half falls away from Mandelstam.

Pardon me, fellow court jesters,
but I must flush the Ancient Mariner.

Ok, Miss Sylvia,
your oven is ready.

I fly back home today,
wearing Anne Sexton’s deadly panties.